Who would’ve thunk, back in those salad days of 2009, that within two short years me and my scrappy little buddy Baaron Von Cuddles III would be celebrating the release of our day-boo album with two fat Ukrainian hookers and a case of  Blue Boy Liquid Incense. 

It's all poppers and hearty backslapping around here, buddy.

It’s been a hectic year for all of us here at CCHQ, with many hideous melt-downs and blow-ups threatening to derail our Fun Train to Stardom. But we have prevailed, fuck it!!

This train stops for neither Man nor Nature nor the Fury of Hell!!!!!

With vital financial backing direct from our strange and possibly criminal “fanbase” we have self-released our first long-playing document, and right now we are driving like meth-crazed weasels all-over Europe and stuffing it down the throats of innocent gig-goers from North to South.

Packed with slick- chart-topping material, we believe that Rules will become the defining record of the era and make the Baaron and me multi-trillionaires. About fucking time!

Speaking of the suckers who coughed up dough for our IndieGoGo campaigne, we’re really, really sorry it’s taking so long to get your “product” out to you. One of the drawbacks of this whole DIY shiz is that, y’know, we’ve got to do it all ourselves. 

But with the help of Lou Lou and The Almond God (from the offices of the evil Julie Tippex mega-corperation) we’ve just done a Big Sending, so your stuff is totally In The Mail.

Fan-club president Frank "Corky" Howitzer at a recent Civilian congress, expressing his anger and sense of betrayal at the long wait for Rules vinyl.

So anyway, we’re out here in the badlands of western France right now, fighting the good fight and making a godawful racket and whatnot, so I’ll sign off and get back to being hung-over and exhausted after saying a big, greasy THANKZ!!! to all the fine folk who have helped out this year. If you’re reading this, that probably means YOU! Mwah!!!